April 14, 2009

Here Lies The Body Of . . .

As a writer, I've come to like pithy, tight writing. No better place to find tight writing than in an epitaph.

Here lies old Rastus Sominy

Died a-eating hominy

In 1859 anno domini

Savannah, Georgia

Blown upward

out of sight:

He sought the leak

by candlelight

Wiltshire, England

Harry Edsel Smith

Born 1903 - Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft

to see if the car

was on the way down.

It was.

near Albany, New York

The dust of

Melantha Gribbling

Swept up at last

by the Great Housekeeper

Woodville, England

On a hypochondriac's grave:

See. I told you

I was SICK!

Littleton, Colorado

Here lies the body of

Jane Gordon

With mouth almighty

and teeth accordin!

Marblehead, Massachusetts

Some atheist's claim to fame.

Here lies

an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.

Thurmont, Maryland

Here lies the body of poor Aunt Charlotte.

Born a virgin, died a harlot.

For 16 years she kept her virginity

A damn'd long time for this vicinity.

Death Valley, California

I put my wife beneath this stone

For her repose and for my own.

Middlebury, Vermont

And, one of the favorites I heard in childhood:

Here lies Lester Moore.

Four slugs

From a forty-four.

No Les

No More.

Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona

For more epitaphs, check out this cool website.

1 comment:

Diane said...

Those were fun!