This poem, which a friend shared with me many, many years ago
is one I find very clever and so very true --
First I put it gently in an envelope in my back pocket,
but it grew bulky, and sitting on it was uncomfortable for both of us.
So I got a bag, one of those that keeps a quart of ice cream cold,
and kept it there until it started to swell and leak,
and the bottom fell out of the bag.
Next I tried a freezer bag with a twist tie,
but they're transparent.
I knew I needed something bigger and stronger,
so I got a shopping bag, with handles,
and carried it around with me.
That was ok, but my friends all asked me what was in the bag and got angry when I wouldn't tell them.
So I got a carton at the liquor store and stuck it behind the door of my office.
That worked for a while, but it got obstreperous,
complained all day, insisted on attention when I was trying to work.
I took to leaving it in the back seat of the car,
but it didn't think much of that either, sulked and chewed up the upholstery.
One afternoon on the way home it mooned a state trooper--
out of spite I suppose.
Christ! I could have been arrested.
I built a room onto the garage and brought it breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
plumped its pillows and let it do the Sunday crossword puzzle.
You think it appreciated that?
The last straw came when it kicked in the wall, occupied the garage,
refused to let me put the car away,
and picked me up and put me gently in an envelope in its
-- Bruce Petersen
* * * * *
I'm thinking about secrets today, because of an incident at the Old Irish Cemetery -- St. Joseph's -- where I usually walk Cooper.
We were there today near the little hill where the winter mortuary used to be. Cooper ran over to greet a man we were just about to pass -- the guy had pulled up near where we were walking at the back part of the cemetery.
He was out of the car and stretching -- 6'2", about 38 years old or so, and handsome in that windblown way some preppy lawyers cultivate --longish dark hair streaked with a little gray, suit pants, but not jacket and a rumpled (but not too rumpled) chambray button-down shirt. There was a combination of charm and good looks about him that most intelligent women recognize and avoid just because you know there's going to be trouble down the road.
Cooper ran over to greet him, and just as he reached down to pat him, I saw the heavy gold wedding ring.
I knew right away he was there for a tryst.
Sure enough, not ten steps after I passed him, a blue Toyota pulled past us driven by an extraordinary woman -- long brown hair, flawless skin, and an open, smiling face -- absolutely beautiful. She smiled at me and Cooper as she passed, but it was clear she only had eyes for this blueblood. She must have been all of 26 years old.
Cooper and I kept walking. For a while they were out of the car -- that's about all I could tell without walking backward and staring. Eventually I heard a car door close, and I could see they were now both in the Toyota.
I usually do a couple of turns around the cemetery, and I considered not walking my usual route past them, but I then I thought -- what the hell? Why should I change my plans? It wasn't like I'd be staring through the car window at them -- my path was taking me about 30 feet away.
As a general rule, you don't see married couples canoodling in cemeteries. Trust me. I know these things. I've walked this cemetery just about every day for the past two years, and it's about the sixth illicit liaison I've happened upon. These two were making out like teenagers.
Generally, these things don't bother me because I'm not particularly judgmental. Cheating to me is not a moral issue --it's a fairness issue. I was bothered by this, however. I wanted to dope slap them both.
Instead, other little imaginings presented themselves. Maybe I'd tap on the car window and tell them -- in no uncertain terms, of course -- to leave the holy ground. That made me laugh -- that's what eighty-five year old women do.
Then I though about how fun it would be to just stand five feet away from the drivers' side. And just stare. That made me laugh, too. That's what crazy people do.
I wondered how long it would have taken them to notice me standing there claiming to not be passing judgment.
In the end, I just kept walking. They left when they saw me making my way past their parking spot for the third time.
Ha! At least I got in my 10,000 steps for today.
Today's Poetry Friday is being hosted by Carol over at her corner